The phases of a cycle

yesterday’s full moon pull: keep your plans secret for now – fortune cookie ๐Ÿ˜‡ this moon cycle has been a bit nuts. first, overly sad & empty, then as the moon filled up so did I, my productivity went through the roof (which keeps this cap-virgo happy), and now as she wanes so does the momentum I had going as we wait for a historic blizzard on this long isand. ebb & flow, the natural way of life. double bows: clearance ushers in change, burying one tool for six new, while artemis poses her bow in a stance of steady protection. the sun, he shines bright to shed light on things hidden in the dark: the places I most often dwell, waiting for the moon to show her pretty face, searching through the black, the psychological, the feelings and hurting that comes along with all of its intuitiveness and compassion and empathy. I have been stuck in this place for too long – searching through the negative news, identifying with people who scream & shout but then stay still when it’s time to revolt, trying to walk in the shoes of the less fortunate, attempting to get my message out to the world. it all became too much – the weight of the world, its problems crushed me under its pressure – I acted out like a child, I had tantrums, I had cried & drowned in it like alice. something in this sun tells me to be selfish. to do what’s right for me. to break out of the darkness, quite possibly the wet lush earth where I had been planted – something told me to push through, show my green, let my first two leaves break out the shell of the seed so I can fully grow. soak up that fucking sun & stop looking for all the answers in the night.

I’ve been thinking about how many wanting to “smash the patriarchy” blindly support that patriarchy, thinking of my shortcomings, starting fights with the others, crushing under the weight of the whole world while wondering my place & if I have one at all in the resistance. I found the belly of the beast as it rolls over to let me strike: my wallet. I choose to not support this blistering capitalistic patriarchal society with my money: no meat, no dairy, no corporation clothing, growing my own food & supporting only local organic growers, not participating in any of the self hate disguised as womanly self care, no obsessing about my mammal hair, the shape of, or my ass. I found myself identifying less and less with feminists and their word policing while they buy patriarchy, less and less with liberals who claim choice when that choice is an illusion and an oppression. As the moon went from sliver to half I fell into this dark hole, the hole that screams everyone is the same, their differences are merely social as I threw around the world capitalist pig. I hated everyone. I felt disconnected from my lover and we broke up, sending me into a whirlwind of crying in bed, staring at my phone, searching through negative news, starting shit with the others on twitter. I reached out for friends and when they finally came, I was ready. We went for a walk in the forest, a walk n talk with a side of blunt, and it felt natural. I was connected again as the big white moon rose in the day blue sky. Connected to other humans, to the earth, to life. It was a leo moon: a favorite of mine. It roared again the next day as I walked n talked with a friend again. In the past two years I haven’t felt this happy. This full of life and grounded. I woke up the following morning happy as hell. Happier than I’ve been in years. No waking up depressed to “oh great, another day in the same old house in the same old bed to do the same old thing” – no, i shot up out of bed with a smile, immediately went to work, busting out labels and new items for the update, and by lunch time I was done – got to hangout in the goddess garden with the snow and also watch the sky open up for the melting sun all in one day. Hours seem to have been added to my day. I did so much, I felt so good. Even a cold shower wasn’t going to stop the smile. I was more productive in that one day that in the past two years, seemingly. After months of not cooking, rendering me rather unhealthy, I cooked three meals in one day, all that will last me a week or so. The weekend continued with steady work, barely any procrastination, and absolutely no drama. I stayed out of the news, watched less tv, and told my boyfriend I loved him a lot. The Virgo full moon bursted after I packaged all orders. No scrambling to make this and that: calmness. Now she wanes with my momentum: we wait for a blizzard to cover this island. I will take advantage and get my breasts rubbed, take care of Etsy makeovers, math and new labels with the new logo. Hopefully throw in some workouts.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s